Friday, 15 June 2018

Eid

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :)

Hmm.. I guess its good to come back after all. I hope u have had a good Ramadan, and Eid ❤ for me it turned out great, not only that I had a sweet chicken and rice, croissants, candy, mint tea and soda with the sweetest sister, but, at daytime I had a procedure at a clinic and the nurse and doctor were really sweet too and they said I can travel and I dont need to worry about. In sha Allah.. Last time there I left with tears of fear and now with tears of relief. Alhamdulillah. The power of duaa ❤πŸ™Œ

So there has been alot.. but a great month overall. I learned a lot and definetly eased up finally. We never know.. and even things look to be worse, its all part of Allahs plan for us and it gives us patience.

Theres another thing to worry though.. or maybe its just exciting, what am I saying, its actually something Ive waited looong while and its about to happen πŸ” Im travelling after few in sha Allah, overseas. Not to only continue where we left.. more to make things finally right. And learn a curry recipe, to make homemade coconut oil, meet Chicky the chicken and maybe get few other too.. Do home things. Walk in the bush and pick fruits. Play board game and watch movies when its raining.. make more duaa and keep praying.

.. I plan to also write a bit more poetry again, so I might come up with different kind of posts too later on. But, anyway, enjoy this weekend, hold tight your loved ones, please fasten your seatbelts and sleep well ✈πŸ•ΆπŸ›πŸΉπŸŒ΄πŸŒŽ


- Aisha

Sunday, 3 June 2018

Eighteenth day

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh all :)

Day eighteen. Soon starts the last ten nights, alhamdulillah. I think it has been very eye-opening so far, and all the blessings as the harder things have been shown more clearly.

Theres still few things I need to let go. I have had a bit of a battle with myself, with this blog, and what Id like to share, and what does or doesnt really benefit me or anyone else. As this blogs been public, I dont anymore see a reason for that, and also maybe this has been a good way for me to gather my thoughts, but I wish to find now other ways to do so, in sha Allah.

So.. Im not gonna write here anymore, at least for a while. Im keeping this still open to read, I might also delete this, Im not sure yet. In sha Allah some other time I have something to share again. I thank u all so much for reading, all together bit more than two years, and bit more than 13 000 times read, maybe not a big accomplishment but sure its been joy for me, and to see my posts read in Finland, US, UK, Russia, France, Germany, Poland, Ukraine, UAE, Morocco, Nigeria, Philippines, Malaysia, Mongolia, Italy, Jamaica, Peru, New Zealand, Argentina, Ireland, Norway, Iceland, Saudi-Arabia, Spain and all other countries I forgot to mention. :)


-Aisha





Wednesday, 30 May 2018

Fourteenth day

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :)

There has been this and that, but alhamdulillah now everything looks better again. I also learned that even though its good to take a bit time and ease, same time even a small extra effort can have much larger impact.

I used to make music. I sang, wrote songs, composed, produced, and so on.. performed and had a chance to be part of a poetry group. It was really important for me, and music was the one and only thing I was feeling to be good at. I didnt achieve much, but I was one time in radio at a group interview, won audiences votes three times/three performances at a poetry club, usually few people came to thank me after performance, got good feedback and was hoping to get into studio. Then I became so ill that everything went downhill from there. And after, I did write and make some songs still, good ones too. I learned more how to write better in english. I even tried again one open mic night maybe a year ago, and planned that I could make a poetry book. Lastly I signed up for a contest, but didnt go.

See, writing and songs, music generally had been a therapy for me. My songs werent necessarily any happy, I wanted to go through the things which I couldnt say better than in the language of poetry. But I started to see more clear that any time, if I would listen to music, I wouldve want to compose some my own too. Wrote lyrics, maybe deep and good, but about things I maybe dont want to share anymore. I am intrested in different forms of art, but I think it once was my passion, just in my personal experience a kinda destructive one.

So as we give up something, Allah swt will give us something better. This year especially, I have found more and more of the sweetness of faith. Ive never been pressured to accept islam or anything like that, it has been fully my choice, and theres been many people on my way to just talk about islam and answer the questions I had. But as I was sure back then, and I have been, and am sure now, of course it was so much struggling with everything. Not only struggling also, lot and lot of goodness and blessings, shifa, much more than I thought was possible to happen, has happened, and I am so thankful. But, is was a rocky road. Until this year Ive come to realize it is really made from chocolate and marshmallows. It has took time, but now Ive come to this point where I can truly enjoy of praying, especially.. from a must and also an ease, to so much more. And otherwise practising too, has come now that way familiar too, that I feel I can develop now in sha Allah, that the base has been built. Even if there can happen mistakes, errors, steps behind, that is natural, but its like some door behind me has been closed now, and I mean its a good thing, as I hope Ive now found that contentment finally. As there would be a house, but now theres a gate too, for protection.

What comes to all this talk about the songs from past and nowadays the enjoinment of praying, maybe u guess already. The Quran is healing itself. And now, after quitting the medication, my cognitive skills are coming back to normal and I have started to memorize. Just a bit, a little bit, but how beautiful thing it is, subhan Allah. Memorizing few short surahs, to make the prayer more complete, and now learning more in sha Allah.. It has been so valuable. I dont need to sing, I can recitate. I dont need to make any lyrics, when I can repeat the words of God. Wow.. If u really think about it. Ive knewn this before too, but Im a bit hard headed, so I really need to feel and understand things in action before I see the whole picture. Learning a surah feels such a success and gift. I dont need an audience, when I have Allah, subhana wa ta'ala. It is so great.

I do hope dear readers, u understand I am not trying to show off in any way, I have still so long way to be the person and muslim I wish to be, and I can lose everything what I have, anytime. Moreof I do want to share these thoughts, if they could help someone in some way, to give inspiration and encourage in sha Allah. Good night and next time then. :)


-Aisha

Saturday, 26 May 2018

Ninth day

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh..

I am happy to sit down, and finally internet is working with the laptop again. Alhamdulillah.

Today I got some news, which are not bad, but not good. Everything can be changed, all plans for the summer. But Allah is the best of planners. I dont know yet anything for sure, but in sha Allah I be as patient as I can. There was also a lot of good in todays talks with my fiance, and my mother, alhamdulillah today they carry me so much.

So again, basics, eat, pray, sleep.



-Aisha

Tuesday, 22 May 2018

Sixth day

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullaah everyone, near and far. :)

As I still cant fast, and maybe not yet tomorrow still, I have been feeling a bit down, even it is not a bad thing at all. It is one kind of ease, and it shouldnt be rejected.

I have been on the memory lane, had deep talks and gotten beneficial insight. Ive been very emotional. I think Ive found again some feelings, which have been hidden, a bit undescribable but strong. And Ive seen so beautiful, new sides rising in people who are close.  And then some say still, they dont believe until they see.. well, Im not claiming anything, astaghfirullaah, but how to say.. It can be seen how everything belongs to Allah, swt. How moments, people, this month especially, has been blessed. Im looking now from another perspective again, alhamdulillah.

I remembered my first year as a muslim. Still I am learning basics, but Ive come to realize now more that I have had progress. Things take time, and some go fast, some slow. The love I have, for Allah, has grown deeper and stronger, alhamdulillah. Like I wrote before a bit, it is not comparable to anything, but as to describe it somehow, it has similarities to the love we feel for each other. When we get to know someone, the connection starts to form and expand to more levels. Through time and difficulties, joys, hopes, dreams, dissapointments, the trust grows when we see who stays, no matter what. To God, we can tell everything, and He listens us, even if we cant find the words. And He loves us, the Creator. Alhamdulillah.. I have always believed in existance of God, and there were times I was closer or further from Him. In a try of denial, and also got in some sidetrack, trying to find the Truth. And then I found islam.

I remember when I first prayed for Allah, swt. I didnt know anything about how muslims pray, I had just some kind of thoughts. I had an idea that there is a thing called recitation. So my first prayer, directed to Allah, was in the middle of the night, laying in my bed, feeling I cant go on. I had heard a little bit about islam and I had thought that it is a religion one need to born into, but after I started to learn a bit by bit more, I didnt even think another time that it wouldnt be for everyone. How could God Himself be for just some, and not for all? Subhan Allah. So there I was, hard to breathe, and with a small voice I started to sing Allahs name, calling Him.

---

Remembering that day last week, when I started to cry in the bus.. Looking to past can be helpful too. I talked today with my friend about her school assignment, and as a part of it, she had to write about future visions. We cant know our future, what is our Destiny. But as observing the past events, can see how everything has been destined, everything. So then we can know, that all that is happening, has a meaning and wisdom behind it, even not knowing where it will lead.

Hmm.. connection. As Im writing, my mind goes levels, so I think I will come back to this very moment, and make another cup of tea in sha Allah. Thank u for reading, I appreciate it.


-Aisha




Monday, 21 May 2018

Fifth day

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah :)

I dont have much to say, but a weird thing I noticed.

I have an iron pot, and old pot u can cook in oven, like people have these, clay, stone, different materials. What comes to iron, its known its not from Earth originally, and theres ayahs of it in Quran. As my knowledge is small, Im not going more deeply in it, but heres a link to english translation of surah al-Hadid, 57.

So few days ago, I cooked a jamaican browning stew and decided to try to make it in the iron pot in oven. I hadnt use that before, it was old, at my dads place unused, and they said I can have it. So now I tried it for the first time, food in oven, one and half hour, looking nice. I took the pot out. And I was thinkin, how is this possible. The iron pot itself had a scent. The scent of food didnt come out, becose it seals kinda tightly. But the iron had a scent, a very beautiful scent, like a perfume.

If u have used iron cooking pans, pots, u know that they always have to be washed with water, and then oil afterwards. Never with soap. So the scent couldnt really come from anything than the pot itself. And it released when it was heated. I dont know what is the reason to it, all I know it made me happy becose thats why I wanted the pot first place, becose its iron and has a surah named in Quran.. and now it made me read the surah. Alhamdulillah. Food for thought.

- Aisha










Friday, 18 May 2018

Second day

Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh all :) Ramadan is here :)

Yesterday was exciting. I had few hours work, and then I met one sister after it. Had good moments, tricky moments, and all in all, was good. One thing I clearly noticed, or two. Weather was gentle, and there was a feel of peace everywhere. And, I kept noticing how time seemed different, I mean the time itself. I didnt have that much sense of time or any rush, I felt all day beeing in the very moment, and prayers easier to concentrate. Alhamdulillah. Good day one.

Today too, no rush, and peaceful. Just had to take one step back, becose I woke up to find out I cant fast for few days now.. I thought I would have had four, five days before my period. But Allah swt knows best. I try still to stay in some rhytm, to eat and drink lightly at the daytime and dinner after maghrib, so it will be easier to start again then, in sha Allah. I also havent done much workout lately, so I try that too now. Glute bridges especially can help in lower stomach pain, when going easy and slow.

I wish u all a nice day!


- Aisha