Assalamu aleikum, how r u? :)
Ive been reducing my medication. It has been a good thing so far. Im feeling fine. Im feeling like Im coming out of the hibernation Ive been, and startin to feel. I can think more clearly, and I can deal with my emotions so much better.
Im not sayin that if u have a mental health problem, dont use medication. Many occasions it it good, at least that time before u can get your life straight. But I have been highly medicated for years, and I reached a point in my life where I was ok and doing fine, but brain activity like a zombie. Really.. I havent learned things so quickly, or have been able to really process things what Ive been through these years.
Now I may have to deal with more anxiety, but thats ok. Im stable and doing just fine still. I dont want to feel better, same time not dealing with the issues that lead me to the mh problems in the beginning. I want to think about my life, conquer my fears and be a whole person. I want to be living my life full, with its ups and downs. Well, not too high, and not too low, but beeing able to feel all the good and bad. To be able to think what lead to the good in my life, and what to avoid.
Mainly I think, after everything, I have few issues going on:
- hard to trust people
- low self esteem
- bad memories
And when I look these things, I think they are very common things, which people handle different ways. My way of handling has always been to be brutally honest. And that makes myself my own biggest enemy.
Many of us know at least one person who has a mh problem. As u may know, we r not bad people, in most situations. Ive met a lot of people during my hospital stays and came to a conclusion that many of us are just kinda overly sensitive to the world, and fighting constantly to sheitaans waswas. I strongly believe that in most cases, these issues are curable. I know, Im not a doctor but I know this and that about people and their struggles in these things. And its something which needs work, but becoming better is not impossible, if u really try hard.
During my difficult years, islam came to me as a saviour. I had always believed in One God, but as my journey as a muslim began, my real healing process started. To know there is some source, who watches over u, who will guide u, who has made u to exist, I cannot say anything else than just to stay humble, and understand that even in the toughest storms theres a wisdow behind it. Like maybe some of u have heard in lectures, when we think about diamond or gold, the most precious things in our material world, we can find out the beauty of struggle. See, a diamond, at first, has not been a rock. It was first charcoal, which was in a such high pressure, that eventually it became a diamond. And gold, it is already metal, but founded, maybe not pure. And u cannot just polish it a bit to make it pure. It has to be melted in a high, high temperature, so it melts, and then the impurities come out of it.
Remember, nothing is impossible for Allah swt. He will not give us a burden we couldnt carry. Lets try to be more understandable and let all the flowers grow. From roses to potato.