Assalamu aleikum, hows your weekend?
I spend sometimes a while thinkin my past. I dont want to, but apparently I need to.. to go through things over and over again, so one day those things dont make me cry no more.
I believe in all kind of equality. But also same time I have been thinkin a mans role in a relationship. In my own experience, a man plays sometimes a bigger part in a relationship. How he makes acts of care and shows his feelings - or, the lack of them, affects a lot to the relationship. Some men seem to think that a woman need attention from time to time, and thats all he needs to do. Dont we all want a stable relationship, with sharing secrets and having a deep connection? A love which will conquer obstackles? Something that is permanent, in this all time changing world? A happy home to come to?
I am still broken. I have to admit it to myself. So broken. There is many unanswered questions, and I dont have any chance to ask them. I feel I did wrong and wasnt good enough. I tried to be so understanding and did my best. Tried really, maybe even too hard, with a consequense that Im not sure anymore how can I be in a marriage..
But I also know what I needed, and how I was emotionally abused. Some people, they really have different faces to different people. I wonder how they live their lifes, full of lies and never the chance of honesty and truth. I always saw through him, but he kept on with his lies. Still wonder why.
A real man has dignity. A real man dont need to push people down to feel better. A real man dont crave approval or followers. And these are a real woman qualities too.