Assalamu aleikum wa rahmatullah ๐Ÿ˜Š 

I'm still here, and everything is ok. I hope you are too.. I've kept now low profile, because I feel there's nothing special to write about. Or, I just and getting into this fall/winter cocoon, and the side effect is melancholy and fading ability to be excited about anything.. I have been thinking about writing so much, almost every day, but then I make it impossible for myself. I have good ideas to write about, interesting topics like gender neutrality, me/womanhood and not been able to have kids yet, what islam means to me and looks like in my daily life, and so on. Nice topics, nice challenges to write about. But no.

I have energy to find excuses, why not, rather than why to. If I want to write about something positive, I think that better not because of the evil eye. If I want to share my new favourites, it seems so shallow. If I try to share some emotional stuff, well, it's complaining. And so on. And I end up with the same thing again, writing about nothing. ๐Ÿค” It seems like Mt. Everest to climb, to get inspired. I'm just so tired. I blame Covid, let it be guilty in this. And I miss my husband, there's no way around it. It's been over a year now. Crazy. 

But there is goodness too, alhamdulillah. Never one without another. I got a new bed, and I've been busy with my home, decorating and changing the places of the furniture. I've started to watch more style related Youtube-videos, like the ones from Justine Leconte and Thats so Tee. I finally started donating regularly to Freedom Bakeries and you should too! I'm planning also my next blood donation. I've really tried to leave all milk products and have a healthier skin in sha Allah. I planted a beetroot and I'm happy how nice plant it is becoming. 

I have felt more spiritual, I have felt less spiritual. I have repented. I have stumbled again. I still wish every day I could become a better muslim, or a mu'min.

It's kinda lonely here. If you feel like that, dear reader, don't worry. I'll make du'aa for you, in sha Allah. And maybe I also stop worrying what to write and just write. ❤